Dweilen met de kraan open

Ik vraag mijn eigen af
Al heel mijn leven lang
Hoe doen wij toch die dagen
Vanwaar die innerlijke drang
 
Om dagen lieflijk te blijven zagen
Dagen verliefd met ons lijven te dragen
We doen van oudsher aan dat constante klagen
En ‘t labeur, die innerlijke sleur,
biedt u uiteindelijk enkel slechts
meer en meer vragen
 
Tis dweilen met de kraan open
Heel de tijd sta ik hier te sleuren
Met mijn denkbeeldig kruis te lopen
 
Ksta hier water naar de zee te brengen
Maar ik blijf met mijn voeten aan de grond genageld
Ik wil nergens naar toe
Kan niet op één dezelfde plek blijven staan
In mijn hoofd
Op dezelfde plek blijven bestaan
 
Ik vraag mij af
Hoe deed gij dat mama
Hoe weet gij dat mama
Dat het telkens weer goed komen zal
Dat er een einde komt aan deze val
De val waar ik geen einde aan zie
Het einde aan de muur waar ik niet overkijken kan
 
Mama, hoe doet gij toch die dagen
Met oneindig geduld en houden van
Help mij dan toch, ik ben zo bang
Kzou u willen vragen
Waar haalt gij uw innerlijke drang

One-way street without end

Ask me how I’m doing
I’ll say fine
I never quite understood
This relentless caring for
Only now cracks begin to open
Only now blood starts rushing
Rushing through my veins

Dance, this is last time in this moment you’ll be ever able to
Driven by red lust and uncertain approval
Make time for daily appointments
Meet yourself in your natural habitat
Dismantle your hidden-in-plain-sight self

Toss yourself around
Get knocked down good
Get up, make sure it repeats…
Just see where it leads

If you’ve been in a lot of places
You for sure know where you’d rather be
I just can’t be me
If it was up to me tough
I’d be who I am right now
And that’s exactly why

Dating site

Once in a while
I have this splendid idea
Of creating a dating profile

A profile of a young
Young young jolly man
I wonder if someone can

Wonder if someone can explain to me
Explain to me how it works
Because I can’t see
How this could possibly be
Not a poorly made joke

I wanna dive in
Heads first
End fast
Learn nothing
Forget everything
Do it again

Someone out there is holding the trigger
And it’s not me
For gods sake
It can’t be me
Please don’t be me
Because otherwise
I can’t see
I really can’t see
How this could possibly be
Not a poorly made joke

For satan
Blow my brains out
Do it now
I wanna see the other side
Your hiding from me
In plain sight

For gods sake
I wanna see what might
What might happen if once
I’d stop my single man army fight
Because that’s more than I’ll ever want
One fucking night

Naderende spijt

Alsjeblieft, kom me halen
Nu het nog kan
Nu de stukken van de puzzel
De puzzel der dagen
Zoals jaar en dag
Nog in hun voegen vallen

Ze zullen vervagen
Zwoele mist om me heen
Ik vergeet waar we staan
Dagen komen in vlagen
Het is zo ver
Bijna tijd om te gaan

Alsjeblieft, kom me halen
Nu het nog kan
Tergend traag luister ik
Luister ik naar het voorbijgaan van de tijd
Och, ik ben het voorgoed kwijt
Het zat er wel aan te komen
Voor mij geen respijt

Playing cards

His most beautiful playing cards
Hang out on roofs of toilet rooms
He can’t continue the game of life
Anger overrode written scripts
That were meant to be,
Could have been

Destroyed fundamental roots
Tiers of clouds nor a thousand smiles
Will fix the broken parts
Will reverse that moment of the past

I hold my breath
Wait for it
Anytime now
My trials will end
This useless suffering

I get up
Dispose myself of all chains
Take no time to look around
I know where/who you are
Take of your blindfold now
Layer after layer

It’s no use
Seeing you disappear in my hands
Slip through my fingers
I can’t…
For the thousand time
(no) FAREWELL
Again begins the fall

GO AWAY

I feel absolutely fine
My eyes fixed on the thin line
I can’t, won’t cross
Despite the biggest loss
I’m in charge
I’m my own fucking boss

I enjoy messing up the lyrics of a melody
Laughing out loud when things are indeed funny
Go loco crazy for my favorite team
Damn, I can’t (any longer) seem
To figure out why I stayed
When I was (kindly) asked to FUCKING GO AWAY

Relax, everything is fine
I don’t longer have to whine
From now on decisions are entirely mine

Wake up every morning
Obsessed and fulfilled with regret
The thought that I can’t have
What I desperately want to get

One more time we could start from the bottom up
I would’ve given up everything
Maybe still now
Create our own crazy motherfucking world
Gaze upon our stories on the wall
But I don’t know how
I’m not ready for another fall

Lets rock

Every now and then
I dig up forgotten memories
of far away blue weekends dictated by the will
of lovely loose lousy trousers
and drinking gallons of thee
we drink and talk for hours
until we both have to pee

just so comfortable
we lay in the couch
play silly games
talk about nothing and everything
let myself drown,
I slowly slip away

we rock the shivers out of or spines
cleanse ourselves with primal tunes
just like a dream
vacations in between
they don’t count as real life

Horribly wrong

Thought I’d be able
To breath
underwater
To beat

Pure elemental powers
Collossal waves
Bashing fragile frames
Of my renewed cage

Stubborness defeats reason
Through methods unknown to men
I suffocate, and then

One beer follows the other
An endless cycle of compulsive spending
Spending of breaths to take,
Staying awake (sleep awaits)
Microdeciscions to make

Never can I do right,
Nor wrong
And for so long
I still don’t know
The lyrics of this song

Shameless

Until now
One continuous shitshow
I don’t know how
Untamable en inflammable by the slightest stroke
Doesn’t know beginning or end
Nor does anyone comprehend
What does make things happen
Where is the invisible hand?

And I love how it works
How everything unfolds for our eyes
How lies dissipate in open waters
How cries are heard, and acted upon

How shameless we act
And we get so immensely far
Solely by being who we are

If only I knew sooner
To just reach and grab whatever we can
O jesus
Spirits that were smoldering on the edges of my soul
Would’ve caught fire much sooner
And would’ve lightened me up
I’ll start today
Nothing will make me stop

One long breath

And suddenly
On one of the days in between
We’ll shake hands
Say hello
Exchange kisses,
Give names

As I step into your halo
A vague appearance
Starts to take shape
And forms…

Laughs and doomed smiles
Down to the earth conversations
Littering the place with bad jokes
While we’re o so high

From place to place
We go
The smear of time makes it hard
To concentrate on self destructive thoughts
I sit back and relax
Everything seems one long breath

I’m still waiting for suddenly
And the pauses in between my breaths
Are getting shorter and shorter

The truth is on its way
It will impale my vulnerable head
One last time I will inhale
My face will get insanely pale
My last thought of what could’ve been
Forever written in withheld tears