Die dye day

An inevitable intense combustion
Old and new feelings mixed together
In a fragile overused jar
I collect all the pieces
Put them back in their original places
Let the music do his job

The lights goes off
The beat turns on
The crowd melts
Becomes one

Strong hardened muscles
Bloody healthy flesh
Unknown powers from within
A hungry monster ready to kill
Reborn in fresh new skin

I frown in the mirror
A stranger frowns back
There’s a good looking fellow standing in front of me
I wonder who it could be

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Dark words

Dreadful dark words
Hidden in my mouth
I have to spit them out

Demonic visions I don’t want to see
Hideous feelings,
Pointless emotions
Entirely not mine
Entirely not in line
With the person I want to be

Haunting me in my dreams
Even when I’m awake
Like a wet dog coming out of a lake
I desperately try to shake it of

It’s a tight noose around my neck
It won’t go away from my head
Don’t have much air left
The harder I resist,
The harder it’ll get

Dreadful dark words
Hidden in my mouth
Eventually
I’ll set them free
-that’s all I’m asking for-
So they won’t be any longer
The rotten part of me

Blind love

In love with me
You’re so obviously, unnaturally, unquestionably
blindly in love with me
It’s not like you’re trying to withhold
You’re so directly and bold
I don’t know how
Maybe in the future
But I can’t right now,
Give me some space

It’s not like, when I say
That I love you so much
That I mean it
It’s so typical for you
To take things too serious
When it’s super obvious

You respond by saying
That you love water
More than anything in the world
Or could it be brian,
I mean steven,
Or soup, brian, or steven (or mat)
Wait, even sella
Could make it on the list

It’s clear, what a coincidence
All those things we have in common
Without doubt, you lay awake at night
Can’t catch the sleep, thinking of me
You certainly admire, cherish your desire
But I’m sorry, you’re not the person I can ever be
With

Shit,
I don’t want to make you feel bad about things
Beer, rock,
Breaking all the rules there are to be broken,
Forever saying fuck
being an amazing daring crazy punk rebel
We both share those things
But man, it ain’t pure luck
That made us like this
You gotta hand it to me
These things were unmistakably
My idea

I just want to let you know
That I figured out
How it comes
Why it is, that you love me
It is, possibly, probably
Because I appear so
Comfortable and mature
With strong opinions
And yet even stronger arms

You see
All this bullshit stupid nonsense,
My nonstop private performance
Maybe, eventually,
Will be

The reason you’re smiling,
When there is nothing to smile about

Sticks and stones

Can’t tell
Why I left
Can’t spell
The words lost
In my dry mouth

Maybe that’s why
I lie to avoid the truth
I cannot comprehend these feelings
Don’t think I possibly could

Changed my writings a while ago
Maybe the sentences do carry weight
Maybe they don’t, I don’t know
Behind flamboyante words I hide
To match how it is on the inside

Can’t get grip on the truest truth
It is buried in your eyes
Can’t let slip any feelings, maybe I should
They remain buried in my bones

Sticks and stones
Won’t get them above the ground
Whatever it is (was) this time
I confront my flawless crime

Tilted towers

And as I stand there
Nailed to holy grounds
I see buildings burning
Towers collapsing
Threatening to destroy what is mine

However, I am fine
Stupid towers won’t infect my soul
No longer, whatever
After all
Whatever ain’t so clever

Found relics of ancient powers
My sole purpose more than ever
To -once more- stand victorious
Amongst tilted towers

Let’s have coffee

Come on
It’s still easy now
Let’s stay in this goal forever

A little bit longer
And I’ll ask you whether
Or not
You’d like to do “stuff” together
I’ll ask you whether
Or not
You’d accept the privilege
Being a friend of mine
Playing mastermind
Whilst everyone is attending math lessons
And maybe
Eventually
If you’re not a scumbag turd
I’ll ask you whether or not
You want to know my silliest secrets
I’ll tell every last one them
I give you my word

I almost forgot
How easy it was

Move from bed to bed now
Life more like a drama show
In the 5 minute breaks
I remind myself who I’m pretending to be
5 minutes is all it takes
To push myself past point of no return
I drink till I can’t stand
I still have my lessons to learn

And we can talk for hours
Stay up all night
But even a slight
Pause in your thoughts
A delay in who you are
Makes me feel ill
You don’t truly know me
I bet you never will

I guess this is it
Lingering toughts unspoken
Here it ends
The death sentence never to be awoken
We can never be friends

Holy fuck

Pure hot red pain
I’d embrace the taste
Only to sustain
Avoiding the usual copy paste

Fast forward to binge watching series,
Crippling myself with blasphemous thoughts
Every step causing my defeat
On repeat, in the back of my mind

Everytime I rewind
You forget to kiss your knuckles
Before you punch me in the face
And everytime you reach out
Tears covers my once so tidy route

You used to say: “don’t be a blind man”
But I got twisted up on the inside
Every lesson you learned me
Naively swept aside

To open my stitched eyes
I’ll bite through my tongue
I’ll contribute to the chaos
Pay debt for all the stupid things I said

‘cause I’m through finding blame
The memory will soon fade
I’m through crying with self-pity induced shame
That’s a decision that I’ve made

(inspired by the front bottoms)

L. paradoxum

I’m back
Never really left
To be honest

Acid dripping through the ceiling
Into my melting brain
Can’t push away this feeling
Almost turning insane

I wear different sized gloves
Don’t care that much
To be honest

Seek resort in excessive partyhours
in hollow, meaningless words
In wild punk rock showers
In far away, imagined flirts

And although
It may sometimes appear like bogus
Just like the crazy parasite
in the poor snail’s head
You infect my soul and body
Push me to reach the top

To be honest
I don’t mind
I’ll endure forever
You’re the only one of your kind

Horseman

Life ain’t like a sitcom
More like a vicious circle
Every cycle
A pile-up of “different”
Fucked up normal events

And as everyone pretends
I dry up
Tired of being who I am

You are everything
that’s wrong with you
And I am everything
that’s wrong with me

Not the problems
Not the booze
Not the hollow echoing of the days
Nor the things we can’t choose

But how can we change
anything at all
When even we
Don’t know who we are

Why would we bother
‘Cus it doesn’t last
That long after all
Happy fortieth birthday
Princess Caroline

And do you hear those voices
In the back of your head?
Twisting the words of the people close to you
Questioning every decision
They are just a teenage girl thing,
Aren’t they?
They will eventually disappear,
Won’t they?
Everything will be ok,
Right?
Right?
Right, Sarah Lynn?

(inspired by Bojack Horseman)

Nice drunken words

What’s the point
Of the lonely girl
Standing in the dark, her back facing me
In the memory of not only my phone

And her jacket
It’s not even hers
I’ll put it back
I know, it hurts

And what’s the point
Of the broken bottle
Glass scattered across the street
Your name forever written in tears

Day in day out
Fueled only by
nice drunken words
Said when you were cold

What’s the point
Of all those rotten nights
All those memorable forgotten
Single-man army operations

As you begin to cry
You punch me in the face
My heart starts to race
This is how I want to die