Sticks and stones

Can’t tell
Why I left
Can’t spell
The words lost
In my dry mouth

Maybe that’s why
I lie to avoid the truth
I cannot comprehend these feelings
Don’t think I possibly could

Changed my writings a while ago
Maybe the sentences do carry weight
Maybe they don’t, I don’t know
Behind flamboyante words I hide
To match how it is on the inside

Can’t get grip on the truest truth
It is buried in your eyes
Can’t let slip any feelings, maybe I should
They remain buried in my bones

Sticks and stones
Won’t get them above the ground
Whatever it is (was) this time
I confront my flawless crime

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Tilted towers

And as I stand there
Nailed to holy grounds
I see buildings burning
Towers collapsing
Threatening to destroy what is mine

However, I am fine
Stupid towers won’t infect my soul
No longer, whatever
After all
Whatever ain’t so clever

Found relics of ancient powers
My sole purpose more than ever
To -once more- stand victorious
Amongst tilted towers

Let’s have coffee

Come on
It’s still easy now
Let’s stay in this goal forever

A little bit longer
And I’ll ask you whether
Or not
You’d like to do “stuff” together
I’ll ask you whether
Or not
You’d accept the privilege
Being a friend of mine
Playing mastermind
Whilst everyone is attending math lessons
And maybe
Eventually
If you’re not a scumbag turd
I’ll ask you whether or not
You want to know my silliest secrets
I’ll tell every last one them
I give you my word

I almost forgot
How easy it was

Move from bed to bed now
Life more like a drama show
In the 5 minute breaks
I remind myself who I’m pretending to be
5 minutes is all it takes
To push myself past point of no return
I drink till I can’t stand
I still have my lessons to learn

And we can talk for hours
Stay up all night
But even a slight
Pause in your thoughts
A delay in who you are
Makes me feel ill
You don’t truly know me
I bet you never will

I guess this is it
Lingering toughts unspoken
Here it ends
The death sentence never to be awoken
We can never be friends

Holy fuck

Pure hot red pain
I’d embrace the taste
Only to sustain
Avoiding the usual copy paste

Fast forward to binge watching series,
Crippling myself with blasphemous thoughts
Every step causing my defeat
On repeat, in the back of my mind

Everytime I rewind
You forget to kiss your knuckles
Before you punch me in the face
And everytime you reach out
Tears covers my once so tidy route

You used to say: “don’t be a blind man”
But I got twisted up on the inside
Every lesson you learned me
Naively swept aside

To open my stitched eyes
I’ll bite through my tongue
I’ll contribute to the chaos
Pay debt for all the stupid things I said

‘cause I’m through finding blame
The memory will soon fade
I’m through crying with self-pity induced shame
That’s a decision that I’ve made

(inspired by the front bottoms)

L. paradoxum

I’m back
Never really left
To be honest

Acid dripping through the ceiling
Into my melting brain
Can’t push away this feeling
Almost turning insane

I wear different sized gloves
Don’t care that much
To be honest

Seek resort in excessive partyhours
in hollow, meaningless words
In wild punk rock showers
In far away, imagined flirts

And although
It may sometimes appear like bogus
Just like the crazy parasite
in the poor snail’s head
You infect my soul and body
Push me to reach the top

To be honest
I don’t mind
I’ll endure forever
You’re the only one of your kind

Horseman

Life ain’t like a sitcom
More like a vicious circle
Every cycle
A pile-up of “different”
Fucked up normal events

And as everyone pretends
I dry up
Tired of being who I am

You are everything
that’s wrong with you
And I am everything
that’s wrong with me

Not the problems
Not the booze
Not the hollow echoing of the days
Nor the things we can’t choose

But how can we change
anything at all
When even we
Don’t know who we are

Why would we bother
‘Cus it doesn’t last
That long after all
Happy fortieth birthday
Princess Caroline

And do you hear those voices
In the back of your head?
Twisting the words of the people close to you
Questioning every decision
They are just a teenage girl thing,
Aren’t they?
They will eventually disappear,
Won’t they?
Everything will be ok,
Right?
Right?
Right, Sarah Lynn?

(inspired by Bojack Horseman)

Nice drunken words

What’s the point
Of the lonely girl
Standing in the dark, her back facing me
In the memory of not only my phone

And her jacket
It’s not even hers
I’ll put it back
I know, it hurts

And what’s the point
Of the broken bottle
Glass scattered across the street
Your name forever written in tears

Day in day out
Fueled only by
nice drunken words
Said when you were cold

What’s the point
Of all those rotten nights
All those memorable forgotten
Single-man army operations

As you begin to cry
You punch me in the face
My heart starts to race
This is how I want to die

Neurotic runner

I started running again
Running on salt
And I can’t stop moving
Can’t give my feet
Any excuse to rest

Holding on to what’s left
I put my mind and body to the test
Summon ancient spirits from the past
All along, ignoring the pain in my chest

Can’t give my feet
Any excuse to rest
Can’t afford
To let old wounds go open
And smudge my spotless soul

I let everything behind me
The rain will wash away the salt
I’ll finally feel numb again
I really
Can’t give my feet
Any excuse to rest

Morsecode explanation

Red prime numbers
Written upside down
In the shower where I go
Make no sense at all

Little paper boats
Across the junkyard
Decorating this lovely room
Make no sense at all

Filthy shoes neatly arranged
On a shoe rack way to cool
A flicker of organisation
In a sea of entropy
It makes no sense at all

My life lines, my only hope
Pointless firing of neurons
At no one’s expense
Remembering me
Of the future already past
And the future yet to come
Maybe I should tell my mom I’m addicted
Because I’m not sure I’d be able to survive without

Cake

I eat cake
Because I like cake
I like cake
Because I like the idea
Of liking things

I like this certain idea
Because it would be a shame
If things would just pass by unnoticed
In this short lifespan we have
Without giving purpose and meaning to those things
Worth it to be liked

For the same reason
I like the people eating the cake
I like the fact that the cake is fucked up
I like the fact that the cake is a lie
And I most certainly do like
The texture of this sweet delicatesse

But most of all
I wish to make more cake
Because I like making cake
Not because I simply like the idea
Of liking things

But because
I love you
I love you
Because I like you
I like you
Because